Anna Sebastian (9.20.24)

Something words cannot describe.

A few days ago, one of my sons shared a story about a talented young lady in India. 

When I read the story of Anna Sebastian Perayil’s passing, I was deeply saddened. My heart breaks for her family, who are surely experiencing immeasurable grief, anger and confusion. As a fellow parent, and having experienced grief as a godfather and a godchild, I desperately wish them solace. But knowing such comfort is elusive and fleeting, I decided to set aside time to walk alongside them by opening my heart to their pain. This surfaced my own grief, and the reflections below.

Photo by Sophie Dale on Unsplash

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Mid-career professionals understandably aspire to manage, considering it an indication of career progress, and perhaps a milestone to advancement or promotion. 

I am sometimes asked for my advice about being a people manager. What I share is that managing is a heavy responsibility. Yes, we have a duty to the company to manage well. But the far greater responsibility is assuming custodial care for a fellow human being’s hopes, fears and aspirations. Their financial future and self-actualization is now in our stewardship. I counsel to approach matters as they would care for their own child, sibling, spouse or parent - because the person they now manage is at least one of those things first, and a co-worker but second.

When we manage irresponsibly, we hurt the individual, and also the people who love them. We do violence to the personal and family journeys that have delivered them into our hands. Each team member must, of course, show up in a way that is earnestly open to the help a manager can provide. But it is up to the manager to set the tone and framing in which this symbiotically unfolds. 

Managers and aspiring managers, it is a privilege to help someone to become the best version of themselves. You, above all others, are tasked with understanding their shortcomings, which requires you to be aware of your own. Exercise gentle authority in identifying and working through their limitations. Be their advocate when called for - but also help them develop the confidence to advocate for themselves as well as for others. When the time comes to part ways, respond compassionately and with understanding. Regardless of who has initiated separation, recognize it is difficult for all, and that you need to wisely choose how you show up. After all, it is in the most difficult moments that a relationship’s true nature is revealed.

For my team members and colleagues reading this: hold me accountable. I need your help to be more genuine in my humanity, more tolerant of our differences, more supportive of your aspirations. 

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A lot of scorn has been directed at Anna’s employers. Perhaps that is justifiable, but even if so, is such energy usefully directed if change is the objective? After all, there is something each of us can do in how we choose to treat our managers, co-workers, and subordinates, starting today. 

Be the example to others you wish others were to you.