Lets Go (10.22.25)

No apostrophe required.

Photo by Hunters Race on Unsplash

Last month, my manager was, along with several other long-time colleagues, promoted into the senior executive circle of the company where I work. Not having any advance notice, I found out along with the rest of the company in a Monday morning email announcement. And while I would be lying if I said I expected it, I wasn’t surprised either. He’s been working on some pretty important projects recently, and, at least looking from the outside in, enjoying it – which is always a good indication that you’re in the right zone.

I responded by forwarding the email to my team, explaining how the elevation of so many individuals we work with to senior management would help the company continue to grow. I expressed enthusiasm for the changes, and happiness for those concerned, which was sincere. Later in the week, I had a chance to speak to my manager, and to congratulate him directly. We spoke about it for a while, and he was gracious and self-aware, which is not only to his credit, but to the firm’s, for recognizing and rewarding those attributes (among his many other strengths).

I imagine that none of the above is a revelation to the handful of my current and former colleagues who subscribe to my Substack/LinkedIn newsletter. But not many people – even said colleagues – know about this next bit.

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

A number of years ago, I recognized that my manager and I have quite different working styles. It wasn’t the case that one was better than the other. Rather, we simply happen to be somewhat different individuals, with somewhat different life experiences and personalities. We also happened to support different parts of the company that are culturally somewhat different – it turns out that each of us had the particular skillset to help our respective divisions be successful, and we have risen together over the last 10-15 years.

Years ago, I wondered where our journey would take us. Not so much a professional rivalry, because we have always gotten along well, but more an experiment to see which of our respective skillsets would ultimately be in greater demand, and of greater impact. And I imagined that as that story unfolded, one of us would eventually take on more and more responsibility and have a career path that would take us closer to the corporate pinnacle.

As it turns out, that was to be his story, and not mine.

Photo by Piret Ilver on Unsplash

But the point of this essay is not complaining. I am far along enough in my career to understand the deficiencies in my professional skillset. Some of them are things I have worked on and improved over the years. Others are things I have not seen fit to change much, because they are essential to my identity, going back many years, even to when I was a child.

For instance, I have an independent-mindedness that can manifest as a desire to focus on things I care about and to do things in my own particular way. That has both been a career enhancer, in that it allowed me to train my sights on things around the corner that others could not see. But it has also been a career detractor, in that the level of autonomy I operate with can sometimes lead to me being out of step with my peers. And it can be hard to get behind someone marching to his own beat. Still, I own the choices I made, and would not do anything differently.

Let’s come back to my manager’s promotion. About a week after the announcement, I was due to meet a friend after work. I knew the topic would come up, so I set aside some time to meditate on it, so as not to be flippant or inauthentic in response to her caring inquiry. As I searched myself, I was surprised by what I found – or more accurately, what I didn’t. I expected to find some small resentment, some bitter toehold, a breadcrumb to follow on the path to some cathartic venting with my friend.

Photo by Amadeus Moga on Unsplash

Isn’t that how the plot line is supposed to unfold, given the history? I’m not sure, but I think it’s our culture that conditions us to feel some angst under these circumstances. I can’t quite put my finger on what that feeling is supposed to be, but I’m pretty sure there is a movie with #TomCruiseovercomingdaddyissues that would meet the moment. Your mind is already filling in the blank.

Yet, as I searched for a trail of that sentiment, I found nothing. And quite honestly, this confused me, because I know that the me of 2018, 2020, or even 2022 would have experienced at least some variant of that #TomCruisemoviesensation. And so, I searched deeper, evaluating the other events that had transpired over the course of that week.

It turns out it was a rather rough week in other ways, both on the work and personal front. Actually, rough enough that it would be reasonable to anticipate, psychologically speaking, that I might bury my true feelings about my manager’s promotion, only for those feelings to come seeping through once the week started to iron itself out. But in reflecting on how I handled the latter part of that week, I found no trace of subconscious backwash. Rather than suppressed agitation, I felt an unexpected and unusual sense of calm.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Actually, and sorry that it’s going to get weird here, what I felt was not just calm, but an overwhelming appreciation for God’s presence in my life, for the personal relationship that I have with Jesus. When I met my friend, who is also a person of faith, I tried to explain to her why this was such an important revelation.

I explained that in much of my recent prayer life, I have been praying with petition. You know, “God please help me with this”; or “God please help me with that.” Now, I am mature enough in my faith to pray such prayers in a way that is not spiritually bankrupt (that is to say, I understand that God is not a cosmic vending machine into which my prayers are deposited as coin in exchange for concessions, but that in asking, I am seeking in the main to express my feelings and desires to Him authentically, while also confessing my willingness to accept that His plan must prevail over mine).

But that week, in spite of all that was going on, when I found time to pray, the prayers that came to me were along the lines of “God, do you know how much I love you, how grateful I am to have this relationship with you? What would I do without you in my life? I’m so grateful that I can look to you in all times, knowing that you are good.” It was a fresher, less conditional, version of the feelings of adoration that I first wrote about six months ago in Contrast Settings (4.23.25).

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

As expected, when we talked about my manager’s promotion, she wondered if I was ok. And I told her I was. She wondered how it was that I had come to be so at ease, after so many years of “striving for the prize.” I welcomed her honest probing. Just because one knows one is not positioned to be elevated doesn’t mean one is okay with it. Don’t we all sometimes want something we might not have done enough to deserve? I shared how I had been doing much thinking in preparation for our meet-up, that I had arrived at an astonishingly simple, but profound, insight.

“I think his promotion freed me,” I explained. “It helped me to let go of an ambition that turned to embers years ago. And in doing so, it freed me to more fully internalize that I will be okay, because God has a plan for me. [My manager] has his path, and I have mine.” I explained how the feelings of adoration I felt earlier that week reflected both relief and gratitude, knowing that nothing has been taken from me that was ever mine, and so there is no bitterness to feel. Instead, in these recent years, I have been given something (my relationship with Jesus) that is more valuable than I ever deserved. “And he is more than enough,” I shared.

²⁶ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. - Ezekiel 36:26

I was grateful that she was grateful on my behalf.

Photo by Abdülkadir Vardi on Unsplash

A few days later, I had difficulty sleeping. I went to bed at one, then arose restless around three. I tossed around for a few hours, conversing intermittently with God. Then I got up and finished writing the lyrics to a song that I had started a few weeks ago, but had been unable to finish. Some among you will understand when I say I believe this was the work of the Spirit.

I’ve reproduced the lyrics below, in case anyone would like to work with me on the music, and in case anyone is moved to perform it once it is complete. Whether you, or a friend, just DM me. I would love to collaborate to complete this act of worship.

If you are holding on to something that you know you need to let go of, I wish you courage, I wish you strength, and I wish you peace. But above all, I ask that the Lord show you His everlasting love, and that your heart is filled with a deep awareness that He is more than you will ever need.

J

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You Are (lyrics: J Chan)

Verse I
I tried, I tried with all my strength
But in the end, the mountain barely moved

I lied, I lied that I knew how
But in the end, there was nothing I could do

But you died, yes you died, to be my friend
Seems in the end, I only needed you

Chorus
Jesus, you, you are enough
In every trial,
For every stumble,
You are enough

In moments of failure
When things start to break
I remember your promise
And I seek your face

Jesus, you, you are enough
For every hurt,
For any need,
You are enough

When I don’t know what
I’m supposed to do
When I don’t know how
I could make it through

All I know, is all I need is you
And that you, you, you
You are enough

Verse II
Still I pried, I pried it from your hands
And made it worse than anyone could do

Then I cried, I cried with all my heart
And questioned whether you would still be true

Then I died, yes I died, to live again
Seems in the end, I only needed you

Chorus

Bridge
You are enough
In this very hour
Oh stubborn heart
Just listen and allow

His majesty
To take its rightful place
King of this life
Purchased by His grace

Your majesty
Will always find a way
King of my life
I bend my knee and praise

Chorus