Spring is in full swing in New York. The weather is temperate, the sun has broken winter’s grip, and sunlight once again attends the evening commute. For parents with schooling children, the long academic year has taken that hairpin turn into the final stretch: state tests, AP exams, SHSAT placements. Summer is nearly upon us, and for many, the familiar rituals of driving trips, vacations, and camps are rotating into sight.
For me and Florence, this will be our last “typical” summer. With both kids at college come fall, a new rhythm will set in at our household, one we are already anticipating and planning for. But looking back over nearly two decades of child-raising, here are five reflections on summers well spent, with thanks to Dr. Seuss for being such a beloved companion on our journey.
Oh The Places You’ll Go!
I am glad we travelled when we did, to see the things we wanted to see and show the kids what we wanted to show them. It was nice to have money to check bucket list items, but some of our best memories were modest: the world class aquarium in Baltimore, and last summer, a baseball game in Toronto. Being present is much more important than being rich.
Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Summer pulls everyone into the same orbit. Sometimes siblings get along, sometimes they don’t. See each one for who they are. Let each learn empathy for the other by observing your patience and understanding. But also let them work things out themselves. All meaningful relationships involve conflict resolution, so model the skills you want them to learn.
Who Loves You?
One thing I wish we did more of over the summer was keeping space for us. Parenting 9,526 miles away from family is exhausting and all consuming. We knew what we were getting into, and yet we didn’t. I am exceptionally blessed to be married to someone with the emotional intelligence, commitment, dedication and loyalty that Florence has. She kept us going and stayed on beat when I flagged, and inspired me to do the same when it was my turn.
The Grinch (a.k.a college applications).
Parents with high school juniors, I feel for you. College, and the run-up to it, is expensive, stressful, opaque and seemingly unfair. Don’t waste time wishing it were otherwise. Be present, patient, and purposeful. Give both space and support. Like life, much is beyond your control. The college journey forces teens to discover themselves and parents adapt to the change. If you are blessed with smooth sailing, be gracious, kind and understanding to others.
I Do, I Do Like Green Eggs and Ham.
Most of all, I will be trying to treasure every moment this summer, to savor it. It’s my last dance, and I don’t want the music to end. We have had our ups, and boy-oh-boy have we had our downs. We have made mistakes, but we’ve tried to learn from them. I’m going to try to be more open minded about everything this summer, to enjoy every meal, to relish every conversation, to remember every walk. Don’t wait too long to realize how good you have it.
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J