Originally posted on February 13, 2024
Last week, I wrote about the “Status Paradox”, the unhealthy focus on status stemming from a deep human desire to reconcile the tension between our seeming individual cosmic irrelevance and the irrepressible conviction that we are somehow significant - that our lives matter. Civilization is built on this tension. If we are irrelevant, why strive? And if our lives do not matter, does it not then follow that nobody’s life matters?
Which brings me to the topic of hate. There seems to be a lot of it these days. Some of it, I think, is performative - simulated contempt to further personal ambition. This is despicable, but a topic for another day. What about the kind of hate that burns within, and is directed at an object (target) with genuine animosity? Some hate is acted out in violence, or perhaps more insidiously, through behavior such as practiced discrimination, reputation destruction, and indifference to suffering. Is the difference between this and road rage one of phenotype or degree?
Sometimes I see a sign saying “Stop Hate” or a cousin-phrase, such as “End Racism”. What is the effect of such supplications? Many people "agree" with these ideas. But what does “agreeing” with such ideas mean? Do such slogans actually change outcomes?
Hate, and its manifestations, are outward behaviors. The internal feelings of hate, which propel these behaviors, simmer within even if the outward behaviors are not performed. As Frankl observed, the margin between internal feelings of hate and hateful acts is self-control. But “Stop Hate” cannot merely translate to “Even if you feel that way, don’t act on it”. Should we not demand more of ourselves?
Perhaps, then, "Stop Hate" means more than “don’t act that way”. Perhaps it means "it's wrong to feel that way". But what does that mean? Does it translate to “you (hater) are repugnant/ignorant/bad”? This is essentially condemnation - and while some behavior, and some feelings, are worthy of condemnation, to do better as a society we must do more than simply condemn. Because to condemn, and nothing more, is to ostracize. And to ostracize is ultimately, well, hateful.
If condemnation increases trauma and therefore increases hate, would compassion achieve the inverse? “Stop Hate” is a demand of others. What should we demand of self? Perhaps this: “I recognize the hateful feelings you carry. I see that this feeling comes from pain, that pain comes from trauma, and that trauma was perhaps undeserved. If that happened to me, there might be part of me that also becomes hateful. How can we address this trauma together, so we can feel less this way?”
I want to return to the status paradox. If we invert our paradox response (sorry, you will need to read last week’s post to understand) would we be better equipped to stop hate? If so, how we think of, and measure, status has deeper implications.
J