Originally posted on LinkedIn on April 16, 2024
Florence and I are skirting the edge of empty nesting: Ben started college in 2021; Zach follows this fall. We are grateful for the opportunity Zach has, but we will miss him nonetheless - just as we missed Ben.
Shrinking our household from four to three took some adjustment: a new seating plan for meals and quieter weekends, for one. New conversation topics emerged from the resulting space; we gained precious insight into Zach’s personality and interests and settled into the rhythms of concurrent in-situ/remote parenting. However, these past two weekends were a rare treat, with the whole family together for separate spells of a few days.
Two weeks ago, Ben returned home on Friday morning – a layover in New York ahead of an aviation conference in Connecticut on Saturday. In fact, he was on the Amtrak about 30 miles from the epicenter of the New Jersey earthquake when it happened; we had a hold-your-breath moment before he checked in safe. It was a particularly special visit because the week before, Zach received an offer to attend college at the same school as Ben. This visit allowed the boys to dwell on the pros and cons together, of which there seemed to be many more of the former. After Ben’s conference, we enjoyed a late Saturday supper. The next day, Florence and I spent the morning with him before we all walked to the train station together.
Waving goodbye, it felt nice knowing we would see him again in but a few days: this most recent weekend, we drove to Ben’s college for Zach to take part in an admitted student’s day. Even though our schedules didn’t overlap perfectly, we still managed a few meals together, and Zach seems to have decided he will start in the fall on the same campus as his brother. Afterwards, the ride home didn’t feel anywhere as sad as 2021, when it seemed the boys might be apart for 7 years.
If you’re still reading, thank you. I linger on these details as an extended footnote to my post from last week (link in comments below). Not long ago, Florence and I would have zoomed through these weeks at breakneck speed, events blurring into the backdrop of life’s worries. Nowadays, we are taking the speed bumps with more grace, capturing precious time like stop motion photography. Life isn’t perfect, but we’ve lived enough of it to accept it never will be. In fact, just knowing that makes the good days a little sweeter.
Friends, if you’ve enjoyed my posts, I have some favors to ask of you:
1. Take time this week to dwell on small details.
2. If you’re a parent, tell each of your children one thing you like about your spouse.
3. Tell your spouse something you observed about your children that warmed your heart.
4. Take deep breaths; may the calm that attends be a gift to those you love.
This is the fabric of life. We all know stormy days will come. When they do, may your shelter be bound fast with a strong cord made of many such threads.
J