It Looks Like We’re Toast (6.19.24)
Election implorations.
Whichever way you look at it, we elect an old President in November.
Bear with me, please - but somehow, considering that possibility prompts recollections of how the demise of our decade-old Breville toaster oven last year precipitated an urgent search for a replacement. We are low volume but picky toast makers who also rely on our good 'ol T.O. for reheating. 1st rule of GrubHub: takeout orders must factor in amenability to resuscitation by toaster oven.
A safe bet would have been an updated Breville, but I had my eye on the Panasonic FlashXpress NB-G110P - a risky venture. When an entire household is trained on an appliance, and the lady of the house is happy, going a new way is fraught with danger, even when braced with 10,000 positive Amazon reviews. For while any dissatoastfaction could be fixed thanks to a generous return policy, the damage to my credibility could have untidy implications for my say in future procurement exercises.
Fortunately, the NB-G110P won us over notwithstanding its quaint reliance on push buttons and red LEDs rather than rotary dials and LCD information screens. Actually, that old-school feel is one of the secret reasons I advocated for it, though I didn’t expect this little nugget in the operating manual:
“When the color of browning is less than you expected…press the...cooking key…stand by the toaster oven to watch how the food is toasted…press power button when necessary to stop cooking”.
When I first read this, I was indignant. I mean, I’m a busy guy. This was
*seriously* going to cut into my efforts to hack down the tower of magazine
back issues I pledged to work through when Covid hit. “Press..to stop cooking?” Seriously? *Real* toaster ovens, the kind designed by American engineers, don’t require operator oversight. That’s right, I’m looking at you, Cuisinart TOB-135N. You tantalize me with your promise of one step breakfast nirvana (“turn dial to desired shade setting 1-7,” user manual p. 6).
We have been to the moon, people.
The moon.
The gumption of Panasonic to suggest that perfect toast is not machine readable! But you know what I learned? I think they have it right. There is nothing quite like pressing stop “NOW!” Right before “Brown Sugar” becomes “Leather Brown” on the Pantone color chart. And there are more (many more) shades of brown, and all the ones in between, which "Lucky 7" TOB-135N has never ever even heard of.
Ah yes, the election. I wonder if overpromising toasters somehow reflect the
society we have made for ourselves, one in which we are eager to believe cheap pledges that are never fulfilled.
C’mon. We all know getting things right takes work.
You have to keep an eye on things, or they burn.
While you figure out the shade you want to be, respect all the other possibilities on the chart alongside you.
It's wrong to make sport of pressing other people's buttons.
The elections are in 4 months; civility is the precursor to unity, unity the precursor to progress.
What say you?
J
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Great parrallel with the toaster oven. Isabel Wilkerson writes in a similar way. In her book, Caste, she takes on societal disconnects and abnorms that we are expected to accept as normal. I can see your writing has a similar affect on readers. https://a.co/d/hpc2GKm . I look forward to reading more.